The Tax Implications of Buying Your Home

Top 10: Ways To Tease A Woman

Number 10
Perfect your deliveryIn order to become the kind of guy who can crack women up with your teasing and sarcastic remarks, you have to perfect your delivery. I'm talking about honing elements like eye contact, tone of voice and timing. They're all important.
Go get some classic comedies on DVD and pay attention to how the actors deliver the lines that make you laugh. Watch them over and over again, and then practice your delivery skills with the women in your life. If women are cracking up and playfully punching you, you're doing it right. If they're not laughing at all, you have some improvements to make, or you need to choose women who are more fun and more secure in themselves to spend your time with.

Number 9
Joke about a point systemWhenever a woman does something you can bust her on, tell her, "You just lost a point," as if you're keeping track of the points she's making or losing with you. The idea here is to suggest that if she loses enough points, you may not want to see her again. So if she's a bit late for a date, tell her she just lost a point. If she likes country and you like classic rock, she just lost a point. If she likes broccoli and you hate it, she just lost a point. Get it?

Number 8
Jokingly express your doubts This is a variation on the "you just lost a point" theme. Whenever she does something that suggests she could be a loser, a nerd or otherwise unworthy of your attention, tell her, "I don't think this is going to work out." Let's say you're about to meet up with a woman you originally encountered online. You two have never met in person before. You call her on her cell, asking where she is. While you're on the phone with her you see her walking up, but she doesn't see you yet. You can tease her with "Oh, are you the one walking by the Ferris wheel with the black jacket? Yeah... uh... I don't think this is going to work out. I think I left the oven on back at home or something." Of course this works best with really attractive women, as they are sure to get the joke.

Number 7
Use sarcasmWhen a woman says something totally obvious, you can reply with "Really? Wow. That must be the most fascinating thing I've heard all week." Say this with a sly smile, eye contact and a sarcastic tone of voice, and she'll get the fact that you're saying it "tongue in cheek."

Number 6
Disqualify her by ageLet's say you ask a woman how old she is, and she says she's 23. Act disappointed. When she asks you what's wrong, tell her you don't date anyone over 17. Or if she's 35, tell her you don't date anyone under 47. The idea here is to convey the notion that if she's young, she's not young enough, and if she's older, she's not old enough. What makes this interesting and different is that it's the opposite of what most women would expect you to say.

Number 5
Guess her weight Tell her you can guess her weight. Then do something silly that's completely not related to her weight, like take one of her fingers and examine it really closely. Then get an overly serious look on your face and say, "You must weigh about... (pause for dramatic effect)... 345." Caution: Use this only with women who are very fit. You don't want to hurt any feelings.

Number 4
Be playfully meanSay something that could be mean, but in a playful way. For example, if she says she doesn't like Tic Tacs because they don't work, you tell her, "Of course they don't work for you. I mean, I don't know exactly how to say this, but, you know you have a big, huge problem with bad breath, right? I mean, you know that, right?". Deliver with just a hint of a smile, and she'll get the joke.

Number 3
Slap her handNext time she says anything that could be interpreted as "bad" or even "naughty," ask her to give you her hand, take it, slowly turn it upside down, and gently slap the back of it. If you haven't made physical contact already, this is a playful and easy way to start.

Number 2
Give stupid answers to stupid questionsIf a woman asks you a lame question such as, "Do you date a lot?", reply with something cocky like, "Who me? No, never. I usually stay at home, locked in my room playing Nintendo, can't you tell?".

Number 1
Bust her on her jokesIf she tries to be funny in any way (by telling a joke, for example), let her finish, then just stare at her blankly and ask, "I'm sorry, was that supposed to be funny?" The longer you keep a straight face on this one, the more you'll hit her funny bone.



The Tax Implications of Buying Your Home
As you've figured out, owning a home is an expensive proposition. Lucky for us, though, there's a silver lining to our little black cloud. What is it? Elementary, my dear Watson! (Or, as John Lennon once said, "Ellafitzgerald, my deaf whopper!") It isn't a Sherlock Holmesian deduction. It's a tax deduction. And it's major.
When you file your federal and state income tax forms, you'll be able to deduct mortgage interest and property taxes (assuming that your loan is for $1 million or less). And there's even a deduction for up to $100,000 for a home equity loan.
So how much is this really going to save you? Well, let's hop on over to our Foolish calculator to find out. It works like this: Let's say that you're in the 28% tax bracket. Let's also say that, once you get your loan, you end up paying $1,000 a month. The interest portion of that $1,000 is tax-deductible -- and, in the early years of repaying the loan, almost all of it is interest. This means (assuming that you have other deductions at least equal to the standard deduction) that it will lower the amount of money on which you pay taxes. And this, of course, means that your tax bill will be significantly lower -- so you'll effectively end up having paid something like $720 a month for that loan. ($1,000 minus 28%, or $280.)
This is not to say that the reason to buy a house is to save taxes, but it sure is a nice perk. And the place you live will belong to you, not some landlord who doesn't know your name, won't fix plumbing problems, doesn't like you knocking holes in the wa ll to hang paintings, and threatens to call the police when you try to sneak a waterbed up the back stairway.
One caveat -- be sure to check with your accountant to make sure that you're going to be able to get the tax savings you expect. The likelihood is that you will, but you don't want to count on this kind of savings and then discover that for some reason you've miscalculated.
So go ahead, slosh away. If the waterbed springs a leak, it's your problem. Welcome to the joys of home ownership!
But wait. You haven't actually bought the place yet. You've just investigated the ins and outs of loans. (You're well ahead of many home shoppers, who hop in the car one day and begin to look, without investigating how they're going to pay for this humong ous asset.) Now you need to think about the house itself, and the neighborhood.